Rants
Well, my life is getting to me, right now. I still haven't gotten my car back, my place is a wreck and I really don't feel like I have any control over anything right now. I generally get overwhelmed, work through it and get myself back into a positive mind, but it seems to be getting harder each time.
Stress is just something I have to deal with, but at times I can't. Period. I have many people judge me (as do we all) and I understand it all, but there are days when I am done with it. I don't mean done as in I am buying a gun...I mean done as in I will walk away mid sentence and not give a fuck.
I have been doing that at work to Gary. Seriously. If I have a level of tolerence, he depletes it. He is so counter to my mindset that I almost can't talk to him at this point. I seriously despise actual arrogance (as opposed to sarcastic joking which people take seriously) within myself and I look back on situations and think what an ass I have been. He seems to exude a quiet, yet extreme and righteous arrogance that seriously offends me simply out of hand. He's biggotted and thinks he is a "realist." He is sexist and thinks he is funny. I can't stand his political views which are based on ignorant propaganda and prejudices. He's a miserable workaholic and not anyone I want to even remotely be like.
I wish I was not so important to the bussiness, but truthfully, he'd be fucked without me. It puts so much on my shoulders and I can't shed the weight. Oh well, once I pay off the car and raise my kids (only 12 more years to GO!!) I will quit. I can feel the urge to take control of everything and people generally don't like it when I do that because I get distanced in order to make things happen. I use my angry face to move the mountain as far as it will go. It's not the way I like to deal with my mountains, but maybe it is time.
Toby gets home thursday. I'm glad he had fun, but he has alot to do.
If you read this whole thing, then you deserve a pat on the back! I thank you.
~J
Stress is just something I have to deal with, but at times I can't. Period. I have many people judge me (as do we all) and I understand it all, but there are days when I am done with it. I don't mean done as in I am buying a gun...I mean done as in I will walk away mid sentence and not give a fuck.
I have been doing that at work to Gary. Seriously. If I have a level of tolerence, he depletes it. He is so counter to my mindset that I almost can't talk to him at this point. I seriously despise actual arrogance (as opposed to sarcastic joking which people take seriously) within myself and I look back on situations and think what an ass I have been. He seems to exude a quiet, yet extreme and righteous arrogance that seriously offends me simply out of hand. He's biggotted and thinks he is a "realist." He is sexist and thinks he is funny. I can't stand his political views which are based on ignorant propaganda and prejudices. He's a miserable workaholic and not anyone I want to even remotely be like.
I wish I was not so important to the bussiness, but truthfully, he'd be fucked without me. It puts so much on my shoulders and I can't shed the weight. Oh well, once I pay off the car and raise my kids (only 12 more years to GO!!) I will quit. I can feel the urge to take control of everything and people generally don't like it when I do that because I get distanced in order to make things happen. I use my angry face to move the mountain as far as it will go. It's not the way I like to deal with my mountains, but maybe it is time.
Toby gets home thursday. I'm glad he had fun, but he has alot to do.
If you read this whole thing, then you deserve a pat on the back! I thank you.
~J
3 Comments:
that also sucks.
And to think I relentlessly contributed.
It really sucks to hate the people you have to work with, I don't think there is much worse. You have to deal with it day to day. Can you look for another job?
I'm sorry about your car... you could cruise around town acting like mr. bean! Or at least watch the show, it always makes me feel better.
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