Big Mac

So frustrated! I just realized that the picture I had been rendering for the past 18 hours was using the wrong camera! GODDAMNIT!! Oh well. Start all over. I started it again and two hours later, it is at 4% completion. I need a Mac.
~J

Pride

I am so proud of my kids. I have been thinking this thought more and more. I am watching Toby work his way towards teenagerism with a mixture of awe and apprehension. Abby is learning to read at a very fast pace, she is like a sponge. They have changed SO much in the time that they have lived with me. It's incredible. Being a parent is so trippy, it really is. I am reaching a point where I feel I need to be more domestic, which sucks. I usually don't have much trouble in this area, but now I have them. I have for awhile, but it seems to have slowly gotten harder for some reason. Or maybe I am getting tired more. Hmmmmmm.
~J

Hmmmmmm, Esoteric

This was a picture I did to figure out why it takes so long to render the lights inside the glass balls. Kinda neat. This took about three hours to render.
~J

Art

Here is a picture I did using Bryce 5, a rendering program. I don't have time for my airbrush and I am just not into what I end up drawing. I am going to pic up 3D stuff, again. There is quite a bit you can do with these kinds of programs, thought they are NOT cheap. I spent about a week and a half on this picture and most of that time was getting the drip to look like a drip. I still didn't get it right (if you look close), but I am working on getting it better.
This kind of art if very mathematical, which for some reason really appeals to me right now. Hopefully, I will have more in a few weeks.
~J

Ode to the Hessian

It was more cocaine than I had ever seen in my life. The plate on which it was heaped was squeeky clean and being held six inches in front of my face by Lynn. "No, thanks," I said. "You know you want to," he replied half-heartedly. The truth was that I did not want to, but Lynn did. He wanted to with the woman in the room with us, then I am sure he thought he would get to fuck her. That's Lynn for you.
I had rarely seen Lynn sober unless he was completely broke and his friends were all pissed at him. I never got pissed at him because I never expected anything from him. He was a big guy and I didn't want to fuck with him. He wasn't exactly smart, but he usually got me high, so he was a buddy. If I had buds, I always smoked him out, though he usually got his share and then some.
He never ran brakes and was totally proud of his 360 bunnyhops, rockwalks and tabletops. I never saw his bike dirty twice in the same day, either. He was into my bike and the tricks I did, though. My bike was usually dirty. I didn't bunnyhop, much, but I was learning hang-fives. He thought that it looked easy, so he tried one and rolled it about two feet his absolute first time. I was so pissed, and yet, I was not surprised at all.
After that, I rode with him alot more and got high alot more, too. I tried to get him to get a new bike, but he was a hood, through and through. He had pegs for awhile, but didn't really work on tricks too much.
One time we were riding by Chemeketa and he had Skyway pegs, which he had sharpened on a grinder. He would do kick-outs on trash cans (they were metal back then) and drag them around, among other things. He did a kick-out on a contruction barrier, knocking it into a hole alongside the road. Immediately, we saw the red and blues and there was no way we could get away, so we stopped. The officer made Lynn climb down into the muddy hole and retrieve the barrier. Typical Lynn.
I saw Lynn this summer while Paul and I were riding at the Marion Square Park basketball court one night. He had not changed at all. I hadn't seen him in probably 15 years, but he was still the same guy. He was homeless, pennyless, but his hair wasn't messed up...in fact, it was shaved. I was blown away to see him without rocker-locks. His hairstyle is coming back in fad, too, just look at Adam Perez.
Part of me wanted to save Lynn. A big part, to be honest. I wanted to give him my address and hire him to build cabinets and just help him out. It kinda saddened me that I knew better. Lynn is the kind of guy who gets chance after chance and always lets it pass on by. Back in the day, I didn't care and I miss that. With maturity comes a touch of a stale outlook. I knew that if I gave him anything, he'd use it all up and I'd be disgusted. I want to remember him as a good guy, which he is.
I hope he'll be kicking around Salem for years to come, but I think he is the type who goes with the flow and it all comes down to luck with those kinds.

So here's to luck, Lynn, you're gonna need it!

~J

http://www.hessian.org/

GreenDAY

Not feeling good. Nope. Not at all. I went to work and Gary told me how all I had was a sore throat and that he would have traded me my sore throat if he could have stayed home rather than working "all weekend." Seriously, I cannot stand it when he does that shit. I really don't fucking care if he worked all weekend because he makes the choice to do so. I make my choice to relax or spend time LIVING! There is some part of me that he seems to try to tap into by doing that, like I should feel guilty. I don't. What I DO feel is like someone stuffed Ron Jeremy's dick into my right ear and out my throat (getting a visual, yet?).

Toby is kicking ass in school and I am so proud of him. He is doing well. He seems alot more at easy this year and I like it alot. I hope he keeps getting better.

Abby is learning to read pretty well. She can read all her books that are sent home first time through. They are pathetically easy, though. I forgot how stupid those books are to read. The plots are so transparent and I find myself reading them over and over trying to discover the subtle subplot, but I am just not seeing it. Oh well, when Abby gets better at reading, she can explain it all to me.

I am working on my own version of the questionaire I posted last week, so be ready! I am going to basically TAG everyone I know who blogs. I mean it...EVERYONE!!
~J

Weekendings

I had a great time with Julie, this weekend. There was a festival going on in Eugene and we hit it up. They had some live music and alot of artsy type stuff in boothes. I had a great time. We tasted some of the beers, ate some food and danced to some great music. There was even some hip-hop going on and I was digging it.


An owl. This guy was SO cool up close!


This one is for Mehgan! It's an EVIL ELVIS!!


http://www.beneventorussoduo.com/ These guys make a very trippy sound using a drumset with some kind of synth and a whole truckload of synth/keyboard/effects/sci-fi gear. They are along the lines of Rumah Sakit, only with a trance flavor.


Abby had her first soccer practice saturday morning. She was so damned cute! I just wanted to scoop her up and kiss her!

~J

Ok well, apparently I have been tagged for these questions by Marrie. I have to answer them in some online tech-culture fad and I'm not happy about it because I feel like I am not totally in control. Because I feel that way, I will not answer truthfully so as not to validate this kind of behavior.

1. Do you try to look hot when you go to the grocery store just in case someone recognizes you from your blog? No, just the opposite. I dress up like a repressed Wal-mart employee complete with a tick in my left eye. That generally keeps people from really looking at me.
2. Are the photos you post Photoshopped or otherwise altered? Yes, I make my short bulge as though I have a penos work masturbating with.
3. Do you like it when creeps or dorks email you? Yes, I call these people my friends.
4. Do you lie in your blog? Yeah, all the time because I believe people actually read it. A narcissistic delussion.
5. Are you passive-aggressive in your blog? More like aggressive-passive...
6. Do you ever threaten to quit writing so people will tell you not to stop? Yeah, but I am met with overpowering encouragement. It makes me feel good to get that kind of attention.
7. Are you in therapy? If not, should you be? If so, is it helping? I was, until my therapist walked into a daycare center for wealthy dogs and shot the place up with aresol streamers. He said it symbolized the agony that the tarnished view into my psyche brought him every thursday at 2:10.
8. Do you delete mean comments? Do you fake nice ones? No, I alter them making it appear that I am loved and that people view me as a worthy person. I hope one day to have sexual intercourse without the use of weapons.
9. Have you ever rubbed one out while reading a blog? How about after? Yes, reading Liz's blog gets me really randy because of the picture of Coda. Rough, Rough!!
10. If your readers knew you in person, would they like you more or like you less? They would love me the moment they met me, for I am the culmination of humbleness.
11. Do you have a job? I work for a company who performs circumcisions preparing the removed foreskin for use in aresol streamers.
12. If someone offered you a decent salary to blog full-time without restrictions, would you do it? NO! Blogging is an art form and I would never taint my art by accepting money. I'd do it for porn, though.
13. Which blogger do you want to meet in real life? The female one who wears glasses with mis-matched arms, had fairies and eyeballs tattooed on her body and who is determined to find a dead body in a secluded urban area.
14. Which bloggers have you made out with? (a)In real life? (b)In fantasy? Well, I have made out with Julie and Liz pressed my head against her chest, once.
15. Do you usually act like you have more money or less money than you really have? More. Basically I don't have any money and you just can't get laid without money because you pay for it one way or another.
16. Does your family read your blog? Yes, though they are monkeys from Uranis and they can't read english.
17. How old is your blog? Old enough to start teething and calling me "Stupid, evil fucker!"
18. Do you get more than 1000 page views per day? Do you care? Yes, I do care. I have no idea how many views I get, but I am trying to get some porn sponsors for this blog, so please click on the links so that I can keep this blog free!!
19. Do you have another secret blog in which you write about being depressed, slutty, or a liar? You mean, I don't do that on THIS blog?!
20. Have you ever given another blogger money for his/her writing? No, but I have offered in exchange for praise of my enormous penis.
21. Do you report the money you earn from your blog on your taxes? Taxes?
22. Is blogging narcissistic? This question is not worthy of me.
23. Do you feel guilty when you don't post for a long time? Yes, because I know that people NEED my tarnished view of the world.
24. Do you like John Mayer? Wasn't he the original guitarist for Slayer?
25. Do you have enemies? Yes, there are midgets following me, waiting for thier chance to strike. I keep them at bay by always keeping a can of tuna in my back pocket.
26. Are you lonely? Yes, will you kiss me?
27. Why bother? Because bothering has been my joy ever since I was a child, so why stop now?

Ok, so now I tag Paul and Julie. You must answer the questions.
~J

Technology

Tonight, amongst riding, Paul and I had a conversation about technology. I love science fiction and technology in general, but also have some apprehension for what it can be used for. If you have ever read Orwell's "1984," then you know what I mean. I don't like to fear without a solid, rational reason, though, so I won't say that tech is bad.
Technology is a good thing and, I think, a natural product of the human curiosity. What is possible? What is beyond? How far will this go? With that comes the tendency for human lust for power/control. Technology will be a product of the those with wealth to serve largely those with wealth. Technology will have to filter down to the poor, something that only happens if it is profitable.
Think about cars. Thirty years ago, cars were alot different than the cars of today. Soon, cars will be only partially in your control. They are less in your control than thirty years ago. The same goes for a great many things. Soon, you will need a computer of some sort to do nearly everything you need to do to survive and that is when things will get interesting. Technology affects nearly every facet of our lives, these days.
The idea that the internet is un-controllable is probably accurate. But I have a thought...what if control is unnecessary? What if, much like a human population, one merely needs to push in the right places and pull in others to achieve marginalisation? The uncontrollable nature of the internet then acts to provide a false sense of security...much like "freedom of speech."
In our lifetimes we will see some incredible technologies enter the global population's hands at an accelerating rate. Some interesting questions are already being asked, but it seems that people don't want messy answers. The chess game is moving at a frantic pace already and, frankly, I'm nervous.
~J