Gary the Retard

I wanna punch Gary. I mean it. This is how bad the dude is: Today we are washing his work van and he HAS to control the hose, and I know exactly why. He doesn't want us to waste water. I was telling Juan, when Gary couldn't hear, "Don't touch the hose, esay." So as I was washing Gary sprayed me twice out of sheer stupidity. So I picked up the hose and started using it, though I didn't spray him (I WANTED TO!!). I could tell it bothered Gary that I had the hose. I used it liberally, too.
I seriously can't stand him, sometimes. At about 2:00, I had had enough. He knew he was pissing me off and tried to justify it by telling me how frustrated he is about the job we are starting on monday. I told him that it wouldn't be a big deal if it didn't happen on a constant basis. I told him that by the end of the week, I have no tolerance "because I go home to a 12 year old that does the same fucking thing."
But what really gets me is that most of the time when I am being a smartass, Gary misses it, which makes me mad because I hate wasting good material. He'll be stressing over some stupid piece of equipment or tool and I'll ask him if he wants to put it in his office, which should piss him off, but he responds as though I am being serious...it sucks. I can't even fuck with him because it goes RIGHT OVER HIS HEAD! ARGH!
I am working on a plan to get a shocking collar on him so that every time he says something asinine, I can shock him. There is no other way, now, but to use negative reinforcement. Maybe when he does it, I'll just spit in his face or slap him. I want instant gratification, whatever method provides it. I thought about leaving some crank messages on his cell phone, too. Fake messages from some government office informing him that he is overdue for him inspection.
I MUST ruin this man's life.
~J